superiorsavior wrote:Niggle; that my math teacher got me as i walked out of a 3 hour chem exam and made me do 2 hours of math revision strait after, with no break
Eww...two of the nastiest subjects in a 5 hour stretch? I'd probably go into a comatose state out of rage and hunger if I was forced into that. Poor you.
I just came down with the flu. I was coughing just a little bit yesterday and I thought it was just a cold coming back to haunt me after a month or two...but when I woke up today, it was most definitely the flu. I didn't feel like moving because I was so sore and tired...and now I'm getting a fever. My cough is driving me nuts and my throat is so f*cked up...I can't talk right.
I sound like a death-metal vocalist [I can't speak anything but death-metal growl] and I can't sing to my music like I usually do when I'm online and doing my artwork [save for my Dethklok songs...which is starting to drive my mom insane already]...
Gah! I want to sing to the System of a Down, Nightwish, and Rage Against the Machine songs I play on a near everyday basis, too...
teh-lolrus----- yeah the flu totally sucks. hope you get better soon.
http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg16 ... newsig.jpg
If life ain't just a joke, then why are we laughing?
when you think it can't get any worse...think again
"This makes me want to smoosh babies!"-ME
Things are... well, I'll say okay. Just to update; I finished my documentary and portfolio after alot of pressure and hard work and I was so glad to finally say goodbye to college for the time being. I'm back in September for my TV course which I'm now not particually looking forward to - I want to stay in Radio and voiceover work. It's a passion of mine which I really want to follow - but I can't seem to get any work. With my Dad bitching about a lack of a job, little cash and voiceover companies not even giving me the courtesy of an email back.. I'm frustrated on just how annoying it is. I don't want to be a waiter or go back to barwork - it's sh*t. It's pressure, it's dealing with arsehole customers who think they're better than you. I never want to go back - but my Dad, who's a workaholic, is absolutely obsessed along with his wife (I utterly refuse to call her my stepmother - she's a nice woman but she just repeats what my Dad says. They've had a baby who's my half brother and he's absolutely adorable - .
However, a weird twist of fate happened. I received my qualification- - a B grade - but failed Employment Experience. This means I have to do work at a Christian radio station called Revival Radio for a few days - weak. I'm an athiest so that's going to be fun. However, they've been nothing but nice on the telephone and I am looking somewhat forward to being apart of it.
The next part is quite long. So brace yourself.
I finally decided to end the relationship with my mother after many betrayals, false love and poison that she has inflicted onto me, my brothers and the rest of my family. The last straw was that I had said that I'd go down to London and see her - however, due to some personal issues with my Dad, I told her it wasn't going to happen until I had taken care of them. Instead of being rational as normal people do, she flew off the handle (as per usual) and called me several times to state that she was angry with me, telling me several times that my brother had booked time off work and what a horrible human being I truly was. I returned her money that she had put into her account but this did not stop her.
I accidently let slip it was due to a problem with my Dad which was the absolutely wrong thing to do - when it comes to my mother, the phrase "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" comes to mind. When angry, she does not care what she says or who she says it to.. she's poison, backstabbing and manipulative. She's just not a good person. She sent a long email to my father basically suggesting that I needed help, that I was unfit and unwell and that I had problems and that they should come together. My Dad sent the email to me and it made me so angry that I wrote her a long email detailing everything I've ever wanted to say to her for several years - and to be totally honest, it's the best therapy I could have ever asked for. I took several skeletons out of the closet and threw them at her after spending years bottling them up for the good of the family - for my brothers, for me and for my family in Manchester.
As an adult after many years of silly games such as verbal abuse, 'woe is me' like ranting and telling anyone who will listen about what a victim she is, I made a very conscious decision to completely cut her off for the final time. This woman is just not going to be apart of my life - it wasn't very hard for me to make the decision. Nearly two years ago, I made the same decision after yet another horrible episode in which she did something very cruel and unfair. I don't want to go into it because it's too long and complicated. My brothers completely agreed by my decision and stood by me - her response? Threaten suicide for 'lack of love'.
My older brother pressured me somewhat to make up with her to keep the family together - and I did. But she just isn't a good person - she's just a horrible person who has destroyed lives. I heard a story later by my uncle who told me of allegations she made towards her own brother (which were somewhat recent - my mother had fallen out with her brother after a silly incident in which my mother claimed she was physically attacked - the truth was alot less harsh: she had been an absolute bitch to her own brother because she knew how to push his buttons and he threw her out of the war - not physically, just ordered her out. Humiliated, she made up that story) But she had hidden these allegations from us because she knew that had we known, we would never have supported her. Her story was yet again lies where she had completely manipulated the truth to put herself in a negative light but what she said truly disgusted me - I wasn't surprised by the fallout. We were cut off as a result of her cruel and unfair actions and we didn't even know why - she is a disgusting, cruel and horrible human being with no regard for anyone for herself. She plays mind-games with her own family, attempting to create tension in order to support her own ambitions. What they are, I have no idea.
However - something happened which I really regret. One of my brothers totally hated my decision because he was stuck between my mother and myself - I had attempted to tell him that I wanted him to be no part of this game she was attempting to play and that I still loved him like a brother. He refused to listen, called me a spoiled twat and cut me off. I'm not angry with him - he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. My mother somewhat depends on him when it comes to a relationship and my brother is there for her - they live near each other so she basically forces the relationship on him and he does it to try and keep his family together. I feel sorry for him because I do believe she has an influence over him even when he's the oldest - however, I absolutely refuse to have contact with her.
I do sit here and wonder where exactly this is going to go - but I do see myself never talking to her again. She's caused too much damage and pain for me to ever trust her again - people have told me that "she's your mother" and so I have some obligation to be a son to her and have a relationship. I refuse to listen to that - if they realized the extent of how she treated her family, they'd probably reach the same decision. These are people who have good family lives, healthy.. mine are far from healthy even though I was the most level-headed out of everyone. And when she replied to my email, she refused to take any responsibility for her treatment, attempting to justify and sarcastically apologise for it.
I think that, until the day she dies, she will take her rotten views to the grave. I just cannot forgive her - she used her children as a pawn in a mind-game battle with my father after their divorce, included a man into our lives that was the biggest piece of f*cking sh*t I've ever met in my entire life. If I wrote of all the horrible things she's done - I could write a book. I think of myself as a caring, good person and I did forgive alot of her acts because she was my mother but nothing ever beats blaming your 10 year old son for the pet rabbit dying (even though as an adult, it's your responsibility to look after a pet and teach a child how to look after one. Not with my mother.) and putting the other one in the park in front of you and forcing you to walk away from it, crying and pleading for her to stop.
And I have to honestly say - since I cut her off, I feel great, getting rid of my major weight on my back for the first time in years. I finally told her how I felt about all the rotten things she's ever done whilst I've watched and done nothing.. she attempts to talk to me now and again using my pet cat as some topic of discussion (yet more mind-games, suggesting it's ill or that she's going to put it in a home due to her bizzare mindframe) but she's ignored in every communication and I think she finally understands the damage she's caused and that she'll have to live with that for the rest of her life. She's had too many second chances, too many oppurtunites to change... but she refuses to listen. And now, I've heard that she is somewhat unhappy. I can't say anothing other than.. good. I don't wish any ill-will on my mother but I want her to realize the pain and suffering she's caused with her actions and behavior and I think, only now, in her old age.. is she beginning to realize that she's nearly driven everybody away. I want her to feel how I felt, alone and deflated when I realized just how cruel of a mother I had.
...I posted this to say that for anyone who's got a parent they don't talk to anymore that I absolutely feel your pain and that it's not your fault - don't ever blame yourself. It's more than likely that you've been driven away by a person who doesn't appreciate and love you - you deserve better.
I have to say, that rabbit bit was rather horrid. If something like that happened often, then I can see no reason why not to cut your mother out of your life. But not completely, just be kind of politey blunt and un-inviting. If she asks to go see something, refuse, if she wants to talk, listen, but don't promise anything. Don't imply anything, don't suggest anything. Just listen and politely nod your head. That may or may not help, and some people are expecting a
"but shes your mom, you cant cut you off she loves you!" and some explanation why, but that's not me.
I'd like to revitalize this forum, so lets keep posting here.
School is normal so far, one fight and no bomb threats yet. I want to strangle girls in my classes for being so confusing sometimes. Maybe someone can tell me why girls act like they do. I've also started listening to Bob Marley, good stuff. I've decided to volunteer for the local Democratic headquarters, and I don't know how that's gonna go. And the last thing on everyones mind:
McCain or Obama?
Taking the Banner of the Holy Marsh! Death to the Vile Lard!
LIFE SUCKS! GET OVER IT!!!1
There, all of you emos can bitch about my cruelty now.
I AM SICK. THAT SUCKS
ned15 wrote:i'm sorry, but SJ is very bizarre.
Check my Fanarts!
Death will take us so don't fight it. Become it and lean to win.
I have to shovel snow and I already did it 3 times today and I don't want to do it anymore dammit!
R.I.P Chef for realz this time
( chef joined the sith so why don't you?)
R.I.P Billy Bonka
Since I made that post, I've actually managed to turn stuff around. After a really long discussion with my uncle (mothers brother) and realizing that my mother, although she'll never admit it, was truly sorry for all the sh*t over the years, I patched things up with her. It's been alright since then. Sure, she pisses me off and still says some ridiculous and wild sh*t (although nothing like before), it's more to laugh at then to be angry at.)
These days, nothing truly bothers me apart from my TV course - the whole 'making friends' thing has never been a strong point of mine and it continues to bother me. I do feel like a loner when I think about it - the 'big group' have a style of humour which is just bland - the 'student' humour. "OMG, you were sooooo drunk", "PAPERCLIPS!" and other strange and ridiculous sayings. I get on with some of them and am civil with most - but honestly feel like I'll never truly be comfortable. Most of them are pricks to boot, though, and it's irritating to have to work with these people who are extremely irritating.
That and my brother - another egomaniac who's never wrong. Apart from that, everythings kosher. I'm doing a regular podcast now and that's going reasonably well - so hopefully it'll all improve. Thanks for the kind words, though - I did read them and really appreciate them.
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