Random Joke Thread

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Thunderhorse
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Joined: Sat Nov 11, 2006 9:09 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Thunderhorse » Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:16 am

If you play "Thriller" backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes long.
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gtaca2005
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Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2005 3:36 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby gtaca2005 » Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:21 am

Q:
What does Michael Jackson and Wal*Mart have in common?
A:
They both has little boys pants half off.
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Q:
What order does Michael Jackson put his hot dog together in?
A:
First he puts the winner between the buns, and then adds the mayonnaise! (Spelling?)
"It's not Jesus.... It's a portal monster." - SuperiourSavior
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Sat Jan 26, 2008 6:23 am

What do acne, Catholic Priests, and Michael Jackson all have in common?

They all come on your face by the time you're 13.
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
BRMBug
Posts: 18534
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:43 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Sat Jan 26, 2008 11:31 am

Well, I shan't worry you with a bunch of puerile jokes. I think it is time that I became more of a high-brow comedian... but I'll still do penis jokes.

If the teeming masses were to behold my juggernaut-like genitals, surely Marx's concept of the end of history would be nigh.

Believe me, the people who subscribe to The New Yorker are chortling with much content.

My genitals are of such behemoth proportions; it is to the world of genitalia what Noam Chompsky is to the study of global activism.





Ok, I'm just f*cking with you. Cheap joke time!

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? To a different pub.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She's a woman.

What's Blue and doesn't fit anymore? A dead epileptic.

Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug.

What did the leper say to the prostitute? "Keep the tip".



Ok, I completely stole that whole thing from a radio bit.
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Sat Jan 26, 2008 9:43 pm

An elderly man asks his young wife if she's ever cheated on him.

"Honey, I must confess," she says. "I've been unfaithful to you three times. The first time was when you were ill and your insurance couldn't cover you, so I had sex with the doctor to treat you for free. The second time was when we couldn't pay the mortgage for the house, so I persuaded the banker to give us the loan."

The man looks at his wife with shocked eyes. "What about the third time?" he asks.

"Remember that time when you ran for mayor? And you were behind by 300 votes?"
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
BRMBug
Posts: 18534
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:43 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Sun Jan 27, 2008 4:40 am

Knock-Knock.




Doctor.




Yes.



Old I know, but it works.
wendy28
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:11 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby wendy28 » Sun Jan 27, 2008 4:55 am

time for a blondes-joke!

a blonde comes into a library and says to the librarian: "last week i borrowed a book here. it was the most boring book i ever read, the story was weak and there were far too many characters!"
the librarian smiles. "Oh, so you're the person who borrowed the thelephone directory...."
favorite character: kyle!
....................................

Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!
rainbow.bix
Posts: 231
Joined: Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:01 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby rainbow.bix » Sun Jan 27, 2008 12:40 pm

The little boy listened into his parents fighting. "You bitch! You bastard!" the mother and the father yelled at each other. Later on, the boy asked his mother what those words meant. "Ladies and gentleman, dear," the mother said. The next night, the mother and father were fighting again. "You pussycat! You dick!" they shouted at each other. The little boy asked his father what those words meant. "Um, hats and coats, son" the father replied. The next night the parents hosted a dinner party. The mother was upstairs putting mascara on. Dabbing a bit in her eye by accident, she shouted, "sh*t!" The son asked her what that word meant. "Makeup, dear", she mumbled. Going down stairs where his father was preparing the chicken, the little boy watched on as his father cuts himself accidently. "Oh, f*ck!" the father hissed. "What does that mean?" the boy asked innocently. "Uhh... cutting, son..." the father answered. The doorbell rang. The boy opened the door and taking a deep breath, he greeted the guests with; "Good evening bitches and bastards, may I take your dicks and cunts? My mum's upstairs putting sh*t on her face, and my dad's downstairs f*cking the chicken!"

:lol:
Formerly terrance&philliparesw.

Just like weetbix... except queer
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:00 am

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry a umbrella?

A: Fo' drizzle.
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
AngusMcTavish
Posts: 8963
Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 6:52 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby AngusMcTavish » Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:32 am

Another old favorite:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

'Cause it was dead.
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:38 pm

A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. When the rooster walks into the barn, he shouts to the old rooster "Get out, old man! This is my place now!"

"I'll tell you what," the old rooster says, "We'll race around the barn one time. The winner gets all the chicks."

Both roosters go to the outside of the barn and begin the race. The old rooster begins to win, but the young rooster slowly starts to catch up. When the farmer walks outside, he gets his shotgun and blows the young one away. "Dammit!" he says. "That's the third gay rooster I bought this month!"
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
BRMBug
Posts: 18534
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:43 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby BRMBug » Wed Sep 10, 2008 6:30 pm

So two ladies are sitting on a park bench, and one of their husbands brings her some flowers. "Oh great" she says, "Well, I guess I've got another night of holding my legs open and staring at the ceiling to look forward to." And the other lady says, "You mean you don't own a vase?"
James--76
Posts: 1259
Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:44 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby James--76 » Wed Sep 10, 2008 6:42 pm

Did you hear about the blind Carpenter he picked up his hammer and saw.



Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice because it said Concentrate on the carton.
Kyle: Why? How could you do this? There are people starving in Alabama and you give Cartman a million dollars?

Cartman: Line? Lines! I HATE LINES!!!
marvel_freak_42
Posts: 1776
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:55 pm

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby marvel_freak_42 » Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:42 pm

Ever heard the one about the dyslexic rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo!"
Founder of the Western Orthodox Branch of the Church of Butters!

"The world will know peace when humanity is extinguished."
-- False Awakenings
Pip Tweek
Posts: 5101
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 1:15 am

Re: Random Joke Thread

Postby Pip Tweek » Fri Sep 12, 2008 12:22 am

A penguin is having car troubles so he takes it to a mechanic.

The mechanic says "This may take some time. There's a great ice cream parlor across the street."

So the penguin walks to the ice cream parlor and orders a vanilla ice cream cone. Problem is the penguin doesn't have any hands so he gets ice cream all over his face.

When the penguin returns to the mechanic, the mechanic is still looking under the hood and says "Looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin replies, "Oh no that's just ice cream."

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