Who's your daddy?

Put your fan fiction here, and keep it nice.

Moderator: Big-Will

willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 5

Postby willowrose » Fri Apr 03, 2009 2:00 pm

Warning: This chapter has some severe curse words and minor sexual content. Please beware and approach accordingly.

Who's your daddy Chapter 5
--------------------------------------------
Matt was laying on his side, close to the edge of the bed and facing the wall. Trey was pacing the room, cellphone in hand.

"How LONG do they HAVE to keep ME on HOLD? GOD JESUS FU-, uh, DAMMIT!" Trey cursed loud into the phone. He sat down on the opposite side of the bed. A few more moments of being on hold passed and as he sat there and waited, with complete silence between him and Matt, he started humming one of the elevator music jazz songs that was playing on the other end. He finally realized it. "Dammit! I'm gonna shoot the people that put this disgusting music on the hold line!" He yelled. Suddenly a Celine Dion song started playing. Trey snorted. "Hey Matt, they're playing your favorite song!" Trey announced and turned to Matt with the phone. Matt didn't budge. After Trey confirmed the outcome of the pregnancy test, three times before Matt would believe him and then looked for himself, Matt simply whispered sh*t and then went and crawled on the bed and hadn't moved since.

"Family Care Specialists Medical Group. This is nurse Nancy. How may I direct your call?" Came a robotic, but cheery, sounding voice on the other end of the phone.

"God, Finally!" Trey said into the phone as he stood up and started pacing again. "Yeah, hi, I need to be directed to someone that can get me the earliest appointment available."

"For what sir?"

"For my boyfriend."

"What's your boyfriends name?"

"Matt"

"Is this an emergency?"

"Yeah, kinda. We just found out he's pregnant and he's experiencing some pain in his side."

"His side of what?"

"His side of what? Um, the side of his body."

"Is he throwing up or bleeding?"

"Not at the moment."

"OK. Sir, how old is he?"

"He's a year and a half younger than me."

"How old?"

"Um, Matt, how old are you?"

"f*ck off."

"OK, um, he's mad at me right now because I knocked him up, but I'm pretty sure he's still thirty-seven. His birth date is May something."

"That's OK. I'm going to direct you to our prenatal care center."

"Thanks. Why didn't you just do that in the first place?" Trey got irritated and said to nurse Nancy, his voice rising a little. If she had time to think about it, she would have heard the voice of a popular fourth grade teaching cartoon character.

"Please hold." Nurse Nancy said in a less cheery, but just as robotic voice.

"Damn." Trey mumbled as he went back to pacing and waiting. He finally spoke to the right people and got Matt an appointment for early the next morning.

Matt still didn't move as Trey explained what would happen the following morning, where they were going and the doctor they'd be seeing. Trey finally just stood in silence and stared at the back of Matt. He eventually got annoyed and announced he was taking a shower.

After the shower, Trey went to make him and Matt's favorite midnight snack. Popcorn, cheese balls, and Hole in One scotch drinks. Except minus the Hole in One scotch drinks. Trey almost pouted as he carried the food back to Matt's room, at the absence of the drinks.

Entering the room again, he found Matt sitting up in bed this time, looking over a magazine.

"What's that?" Matt looked over and asked.

"Peace offering." Trey said as he put the snacks down on the bed. He then stood there looking at Matt.

"Why are you just standing there?" Matt finally asked.

"Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at us. We could have and probably should have been more responsible. And it just came as a little bit of a shock."

"A little bit of a shock?" Trey started to laugh. "Try the biggest shock we've gotten in our entire lives!"

"Yeah, well, that too."

"So, do you still want me to f*ck off?"

"Yeah. But I get to watch."

Trey smiled and sat down next to Matt.

"What?" Trey asked as he noticed Matt looking at him.

"You can sit closer than that. I'm not contagious." Matt told him before looking back at the magazine. Trey smiled and moved closer, taking the magazine from Matt's hands and replacing it with his lips on Matt's. Matt kissed him back with a little bit of urgency. "I'm sorry." Matt whispered against Trey's lips. "I'm sorry for the whole day. I'm just, sorry." He continued as Trey pulled away some to look into his eyes.

"Did I ever tell you how sexy you are when you feel guilty about being a dickhead?" Trey asked. Matt gave him a bit of a look and then started to smile.

"No but it's about time you did."

"Well you look sthuper sthexy." Trey whispered borrowing a cartoonish lisp. Matt laughed and pulled Trey's mouth to his again.


Chapter 6 will soon follow
I don't have a signature
BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 5

Postby BigCamera4892 » Fri Apr 03, 2009 8:16 pm

willowrose's story wrote:nurse Nancy, his voice rising a little. If she had time to think bout it, she would have heard the voice of a popular fourth grade teaching cartoon character


I totally heard Mr. Garrison's voice here :)

willowrose's story wrote:"Please hold." Nurse Nancy said in a less cheery, but just as robotic voice.


I get that same voice whenever I call the doctor's office. MnT must use the same doctor that I use.

willowrose's story wrote:"So, do you still sawnt me to f*ck off?"

"Yeah. But I get to watch."

Trey smiled and sat down nextg to Matt.


Nice touch (literary touch, I mean).

willowrose's story wrote:"Well you look sthuper sthexy." Trey whispered borrowing a cartoonish lisp. Matt laughed and pulled Trey's mouth to his again.

Chapter 6 will soon follow


Can't wait :D

So far, the story is really keeping the reader's interest. The chapter breaks are all in the right places. Keep up the good work!

-BC
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 5

Postby willowrose » Fri Apr 03, 2009 9:06 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote:
willowrose's story wrote:nurse Nancy, his voice rising a little. If she had time to think bout it, she would have heard the voice of a popular fourth grade teaching cartoon character


I totally heard Mr. Garrison's voice here :)

willowrose's story wrote:"Please hold." Nurse Nancy said in a less cheery, but just as robotic voice.


I get that same voice whenever I call the doctor's office. MnT must use the same doctor that I use.

willowrose's story wrote:"So, do you still sawnt me to f*ck off?"

"Yeah. But I get to watch."

Trey smiled and sat down nextg to Matt.


Nice touch (literary touch, I mean).

willowrose's story wrote:"Well you look sthuper sthexy." Trey whispered borrowing a cartoonish lisp. Matt laughed and pulled Trey's mouth to his again.

Chapter 6 will soon follow


Can't wait :D

So far, the story is really keeping the reader's interest. The chapter breaks are all in the right places. Keep up the good work!

-BC


Thank you BC!!! :D
I don't have a signature
BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby BigCamera4892 » Sat Apr 04, 2009 1:09 pm

I just noticed that while some people including me are enjoying this FanFic very much, and posting "the good, the bad, and the ugly" about the series as we see it (so far all "good" :D ), I see that others are reading it and not posting their opinions. I mean, this series of willowrose's has over 130 views already :) .

Come on, people. Please post YOUR responses here. "Who's your daddy?" is a great FanFic. We know you're reading. So why not leave your comments? Let willowrose know what YOU think.

Thanks.

-BC
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:18 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote:I just noticed that while some people including me are enjoying this FanFic very much, and posting "the good, the bad, and the ugly" about the series as we see it (so far all "good" :D ), I see that others are reading it and not posting their opinions. I mean, this series of willowrose's has over 130 views already :) .

Come on, people. Please post YOUR responses here. "Who's your daddy?" is a great FanFic. We know you're reading. So why not leave your comments? Let willowrose know what YOU think.

Thanks.

-BC


*bows to BC* :wink:

I noticed that too. I keep thinking "hm. Well if they're not saying anything BAD then I guess they must like what they're reading...."

Listen to BC y'all. One smart cookie there.
I don't have a signature
butters kenny
Posts: 10135
Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:19 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby butters kenny » Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:01 pm

I know what you mean Asylum has 159 views and only a hand full[a babies hand] of people gave their opinions

And my other fics have tons of views and almost nobody replies.


As for your fic its okay.... I think BC's complements are over exaggerating but I like it. 8/10
I Wasn't choking you I was just hugging your neck

R.I.P Chef for realz this time

( chef joined the sith so why don't you?)

R.I.P Billy Bonka
big keny
Posts: 1464
Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2009 10:46 am

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby big keny » Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:02 pm

:lol:
(\__/)
(='.'=)
('')_('')
RAGGLE FRAGGLE!
i wasnt hitting you,i was simply high-fiveing your face
SUM 41 ROCKS!!!
celtic dragon!
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:35 pm

butters kenny wrote:I know what you mean Asylum has 159 views and only a hand full[a babies hand] of people gave their opinions

And my other fics have tons of views and almost nobody replies.


As for your fic its okay.... I think BC's complements are over exaggerating but I like it. 8/10


Thank you! :wink:
I don't have a signature
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 6

Postby willowrose » Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:54 pm

Warning: This chapter has minor curse words and some sexual content. But none of it is pornographic. Please beware and approach accordingly.

Who's your daddy Chap 6
---------------------------------------

Matt was laying on the cold examining table, the patient gown drooped over the sides so his bare bottom was resting against the cold steel. It felt good. His feet were crossed, his fingers entwined against his stomach, and his eyes staring up at the fluorescent lights above him as he whistled the theme song to The Simpsons.

"Relaxed enough?" Trey asked, tired from laying awake all night, thinking, and then getting up early in order to go online and google "prenatal care visits".

"Yuppers." Matt said, then went back to whistling.

"Are you sure you have that gown on right? It looks a little, awkward."

"Don't know. I don't usually wear hospital gowns. You should put one on though." Matt looked over at Trey and said. "The feeling of the steel against my ass is awesome."

"I'm glad you're enjoying it." Trey said and then put his face back down into his hands. He was so sleep deprived, counting on the couple of hours of sleep he was accustomed to during the normal work season. His mind wouldn't allow him even fifteen minutes of sleep as Matt had quietly snored beside him for a while. He was unshaven, his hair was sticking up in spots he didn't know he even had hair, and his tee shirt was inside out. They barely had time to run through a drive through for coffee.

"I want Taco Bell." Matt mentioned as the door to the room came open and a small Asian woman walked in.

"Good morning! My name is Doctor Emma." The small Asian woman announced with a sweet bright smile. "You must be Matthew?"

"Matt. It's just Matt."

"Oh. OK. Well we're glad you're here either way."

"Really?" Matt asked, crinkling his nose at her. Trey's eyes were just now coming into focus enough to get a good look at the small doctor.

"Sure!" Doctor Emma exclaimed, placing her hand under Matt's folded fingers and resting it on top of his stomach. It caught Matt off guard and he was now trying to sit up on his elbows to pay more attention to what little doctor Emma was doing. "A little of what we'll be doing today will include a small medical exam, we'll take your weight and some blood and then I have some questions to ask you." Dr Emma explained with an even brighter smile. Matt wasn't sure if he should be scared or just as delighted as she was. "My assistant Rebeca will come in to help you fill out some paperwork, and then I'll be back for the rest of your exam." Dr Emma told them and then quickly left the room.

"Paperwork?" Matt asked, looking over at Trey. Trey shrugged with visible bags now under his eyes.

"Probably no big deal." Trey said and his voice croaked as if he had just woken up from sleeping through everything Dr Emma just said. Matt was about to say something else when the door suddenly opened again and Trey's eyes went from droopy to wide awake. Matt followed to where he was staring and saw why.

Rebeca, Dr Emma's assistant, came walking in. She was at least seven feet tall and was probably no less than three hundred pounds. Both Matt and Trey stared as Rebeca walked to the counter, jotted something down on some paper, and then washed her hands. Matt's face quickly turned to Trey's.

"Dude, that's a dude!" He mumbled over at Trey in a panicked voice. Matt wasn't into girls examining him but he certainly wasn't into any man other than Trey examining him either. "Don't let him touch me!" Matt tried saying from the corner of his mouth as he heard heavy footsteps coming his way and could see Trey still staring. "Dude!" Matt harshly whispered to get Trey's attention in one last desperate plea. Trey just quickly shook his head as his eyes went from Matt and then back to the ceiling to get a better look at Rebeca's face. Matt slowly looked up to see for himself. Rebeca was actually kind of feminine looking. She had big, round eyes and full bow shaped lips. But as Matt got a better look, he noticed she also had a mustache.

"I'm Rebeca." Rebeca introduced herself and to both Matt and Trey's nothing-less-than surprise, she had a soft compassionate voice. Matt started to giggle. Trey Shh'd him right in front of Rebeca. She didn't seem to notice.

A few minutes later, after Matt followed Rebeca to a corner of the room to be weighed, he was sitting on the edge of the table for a blood pressure test. Trey had gotten up to wander the room a little, in an attempt to keep himself awake, while Matt was being weighed. He was now just standing in the room behind Rebeca.

"This might get a little tight as it squeezes, but try to stay real still for me." Rebeca kindly requested. Matt saw Trey's eyes go wide again at the request. "Just relax. Try not to move." Rebeca said and Matt tried to sit up straighter in order to keep himself more still. He focused on Trey standing in the room just a few feet from Rebeca. He figured that'd be the best way for him to relax.

Trey caught Matt's eyes and suddenly threw his hands up about four feet apart from each other. Matt then watched as Trey mouthed the words Wide Load. Matt immediately started to giggle.

"Stay still please." Rebeca reminded him as she watched the numbers concerning Matt's blood pressure.

Matt quickly mouthed the word assh*le at Trey. Trey threw his hands back up into the air and then mouthed that's even bigger. Matt burst out laughing. He caught himself as Rebeca gave him a stern look.

"I don't know what your husband is doing back there, but do I have to ask him to leave?" Rebeca asked without removing her eyes from the blood pressure test results. Matt watched as Trey quickly nodded yes. Matt smirked.

"No. Sorry." He said, still smiling, and sat real still. Trey gave him a sly smile. He was about to mouth something else when Rebeca started talking.

"Everything looks really good. Your blood pressure is normal. Your weight is good. I'll tell Doctor Emma we're finished with the paperwork. She'll be back in in just a moment." Rebeca said, kindly, as she gathered the paperwork and walked out.

"I hate you." Matt looked at Trey and said as soon as Rebeca was on the other side of the door. He started to giggle again as Trey walked toward him, smiling.

"I know you do. That's what makes it extra fun." Trey said as he put his hands on Matt's waist and leaned in to kiss him, tongue first. Matt started to moan as he felt Trey's tongue slide against his own.

"I'm back!" Dr Emma's sweet small voice suddenly rang throughout the room. Matt was still moaning as Trey pulled away and gave the doctor a quick grin. He sat up on the table next to Matt as the tiny doctor walked over to them.


Chapter 7 will soon follow
Last edited by willowrose on Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
I don't have a signature
BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby BigCamera4892 » Sat Apr 04, 2009 11:41 pm

Who's your daddy? wrote:Rebeca, Dr Emma's assistant, came walking in. She was at least seven feet tall and was probably no less than three hundred pounds.


I didn't see that coming :o

Good plot twist.

And that part with Matt sitting directly on the cold metal table. It was written as if I was in the room watching the story unfold. I could feel that metal table myself on that part of my anatomy. It felt cold to me :oops:

Good plot twist. (I thought it was just going to be something like * goes to the doctor; here's what happened*)

But no, you painted the picture, and I was in that exam room.

Can't wait for chapter 7

-BC
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Sun Apr 05, 2009 12:18 am

BigCamera4892 wrote:
Who's your daddy? wrote:Rebeca, Dr Emma's assistant, came walking in. She was at least seven feet tall and was probably no less than three hundred pounds.


I didn't see that coming :o

Good plot twist.

And that part with Matt sitting directly on the cold metal table. It was written as if I was in the room watching the story unfold. I could feel that metal table myself on that part of my anatomy. It felt cold to me :oops:

Good plot twist. (I thought it was just going to be something like * goes to the doctor; here's what happened*)

But no, you painted the picture, and I was in that exam room.

Can't wait for chapter 7

-BC


Thank you BC!!! :D

Another chapter might be up tomorrow or I might not be on (since it's a Sunday) but it'll either be tomorrow or Monday!!!! :wink: (Actually I may as well post the next chapter tonight! So tonight's chapter will count for tomorrow's chapter too and then it'll resume on Monday))

Thank you again for reading!!
I don't have a signature
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 7

Postby willowrose » Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:51 am

Warning: This chapter has some sexual content. But none of it is pornographic. Please beware and approach accordingly.


Who's your daddy? Chap 7
-----------------------------------------
Dr Emma stood before them and looked over a file she had in her hand. Her dark hair was pulled back in a loose bun that allowed some pieces to fall against her face. She had small hands that would occasionally pull down small framed glasses over her large almond eyes and then prop them back up against her hair.

"Do you know the conception date?" Dr Emma asked first, finally looking up into both Matt and Trey's eyes.

"The conception date?" Matt asked.

"Approximately when the baby was conceived?" Dr Emma explained. Matt blushed and got that confused look on his face that Trey always found endearing.

"How long does it take to know you're pregnant after it's conceived?" Trey asked. His hand was wrapped in Matt's.

"Well, sometimes it takes only a couple weeks for people to realize they're pregnant." Dr Emma explained.

"Hm. Well that's gonna be a little hard to determine Doctor." Trey said with a slight grin. "There was that one night about two weeks ago when we pulled an all nighter." Trey looked over at Matt and said.

"We weren't working yet two weeks ago." Matt said, confused look on his face again.

"Not that kind of all nighter." Trey reminded him.

"Oh. Yeah, that's right!" Matt looked over at Trey and said, sounding more sure now. "Yeah. It must've been two weeks ago." Matt looked at Dr Emma and confirmed. Dr Emma was standing there staring at them from over the top of her glasses.

"So," Dr Emma looked over the file again and then back up at them. "We'll say it's safe to assume it was two weeks ago."

"It's safe to assume it could have been any day within the last two months." Trey commented. Dr Emma slightly blushed as she looked at the file. Matt knew by now she purposely didn't want to look up again. Trey watched her with a small accomplished grin. He knew he flustered her. Matt noticed Trey noticing.

"OK so, are you comfortable?" Dr Emma finally looked up and asked Matt. "Would you like water or anything?" She asked. Matt said no. "OK, well, I'll be right back. Feel free to change back into your clothes." Dr Emma smiled and patted Matt's knee, her face slightly flushed looking, before turning to leave the room for no apparent reason other than the fact she probably needed some water.

"Thanks for that dude." Matt said with a flat voice.

"What?" Trey asked, almost giggling.

"You just spent five minutes flirting with my doctor!"

"Did not! It was more like ten minutes anyway."

Matt pulled his hand from Trey's and looked the other way at the wall. Trey huffed a couple breaths in protest but it didn't do any good.

"I was absolutely not flirting with your doctor. Besides, why would I flirt with a girl?"

"I don't know. Ask your therapist. You probably flirt with her too."

"My therapist is a guy."

"Oh, that makes it a lot better."

"And he's ugly."

"Oh, so he's not Asian?"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Oh stop. We all know you're obsessed with all things Asian." Matt complained, his arms now crossed against his chest.

"You're not Asian."

"Yeah, sorry about that." Matt said with an even flatter voice.

"You know, now that you mention it, I was thinking about names last night. How do you like the name Akiko? It's Japanese." Trey asked, using almost an accent as he pronounced the name.

"You're already thinking names?" Matt looked over at Trey, arms still crossed against his chest, and asked.

"A little."

"Damn. How long did you have this planned?" Matt asked, his face going from slightly amused to completely soured.

"What?" Trey asked, a little shocked this time. "OK that's not funny. This obviously wasn't planned."

"Why?" Matt's eyes were back in Trey's. "Because you obviously wouldn't want a kid with me?"

"That's absolutely not what I said!" Trey shouted, throwing his finger up at Matt this time.

"OK I'm back!" Dr Emma came quickly through the door again, this time no file. Trey reached over and tried grabbing Matt's hand that was tucked securely against his chest still. Matt turned away some and whispered stop. Trey forced his way under Matt's arm and grabbed his hand, pulling it over to rest on his leg, keeping a firm grip on it. Matt arched his brows but kept quiet. Trey smiled as Dr Emma looked up into their eyes again.

"Matt," Dr Emma said Matt's name softly as she stood in front of him to get his attention. Once he was looking at her, she carried on with the exam. "Have you ever been pregnant before?"

"Pregnant?" Matt asked and almost snorted. "No!"

"No? How old are you?"

"Thirty-Seven"

"Thirty-Seven?" Dr Emma repeated with almost a gasp. Matt gave her a look. "Have you been on birth control for a while?" She asked.

"No. I trip on acid every once in a while but never that birth control crap." Matt blurted out. Trey shot him a mortified look. Dr Emma just stood there a moment, but it didn't seem to phase her, as if she'd heard it all before.

"So neither one of you have been on any sort of birth control?" She asked, receiving a motion of no from both of them. "Have you ever had an STD?"

"No!" Matt answered quickly with a disgusted tone. Dr Emma again stared at them both for a moment.

"We've been in a committed relationship since college." Trey explained, causing Matt to relax again. "I took his virginity." He added, causing Matt to shoot him a look and go tense again.

"So you've been practicing monogamy?" Dr Emma asked, just to confirm the answer.

"Yes." Trey answered. Matt sat there with a stubborn look on his face.

"Is there any history in your family of miscarriages?" Dr Emma asked.

"Not that I know of." Matt answered.

"Is there any consistency of multiple births in either of your family's histories?" Dr Emma asked. Both of the boys said no.

"What is your work schedule like? What do you do for a living?" Dr Emma asked. Matt explained as Trey chimed in every few words.

"OK. I'll be back in one moment." Dr Emma said with a smile, looking up into their eyes this time before exiting the room.

"I don't think we're gonna pass this exam." Trey said quietly, that tired look coming back over his face.

"Why?" Matt asked, but before Trey could bother to come up with a response, Dr Emma came floating back into the room. She stood in front of them with both hands full of things.

"Prenatal vitamins. Take them. It's important to keep up on these." Dr Emma said as she handed the vitamins to Matt. "Here's some brochures explaining proper nutrition and exercise. It's simple. Just make sure to take some time and go over it." She said and handed Trey the brochures. She then looked again at Matt. "No alcohol. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Some people think it's OK to have a couple drinks here and there, but it's best if you just cut it out completely. No smoking. None. No caffeine."

"No caffeine?" Both Matt and Trey asked in a shocked voice at the same time.

"But, we survive on caffeine!" Trey tried pleading.

"No caffeine. It isn't good. I mean it's up to you, but I advise no caffeine."

Trey's face went a little distorted as he suddenly thought about how miserable Matt was going to be without caffeine. Then he realized how miserable he was going to be while putting up with how miserable Matt was going to be and-

"Sex."

Trey's attention was suddenly brought back to the moment.

"NO SEX?" Trey shouted, his face completely distorted this time. Dr Emma actually giggled as she looked over at him.

"Sex is fine. Sex is good actually. And important. You don't have to change your sexual schedule at all."

"Penetration is OK?" Trey asked, looking like he actually started to sweat from the sudden possibility of lack of sex too.

"Yes." Dr Emma said with a nod.

"Hard penetration?"

"Yes."

"Deep hard penetration?"

"Well, it's always wise to be aware of some caution, but-"

"How about orgasms? Are those OK?" Trey asked.

"Yes." Dr Emma said with another nod.

"I'm not gonna poke it in the head or anything, right? It won't hear us if we're, um, loud?" Trey asked. Matt listened as if he had the same questions.

"You won't poke it in the head and when it can hear you, it won't know what's going on anyway. But it'll be OK to talk to the baby." Dr Emma said with a smile, leaving Trey sitting there looking confused. Matt was still trying to figure out if there actually was a possible way for the baby to get poked in the head. "Some people are convinced playing music for the baby, while still in the womb, makes the baby smarter." Dr Emma said as she finally turned around to write some more things down.

"There's too much to remember." Matt whispered over to Trey.

"We can still have sex. What else was there?" Trey asked. Matt snickered, causing Trey to smile at him before grabbing the back of his head to kiss him. Dr Emma again turned around and disturbed the moment.

"Any questions?" Dr Emma asked with that polite smile back on her face.

"Um," Trey looked over at Matt. Matt shrugged and gave him a look of just wanting to go. "Yeah, um, is there anything we need to panic about?"

"Panic? No. If you have any questions or concerns at all, call me. But I highly encourage you to read the brochures together. The first trimester is the time to educate yourself and adjust to the thought of being pregnant for the next few months." Dr Emma said with that sweet smile as she looked into Matt's eyes. Her eyes then turned to Trey's. "It's important for you both to adjust. This is one of the easiest ways for couples to bond. Enjoy it. And there's information on counseling too in the brochures." Dr Emma looked down at her watch.

"Counseling?" Trey looked over at Matt and mouthed in a discouraged way. Matt returned the look.

"So!" Dr Emma said loudly, startling them both and causing them to look at her. "I look forward to your next visit and we'll set up an ultrasound." Dr Emma smiled. Matt mouthed the word ultrasound to himself. "And you're encouraged to be at these appointments as well." She looked over at Trey and said.

"I wouldn't miss these anyway." Trey said, this time serious and not trying to just sound funny.

"You're lucky to have someone like that." Dr Emma looked at Matt and said while pointing over at Trey.

"You're lucky you don't have to go through this." Matt retorted as his hand headed toward his stomach.

"Oh I don't know. I know plenty of women that would like to know what it's like to give birth." Dr Emma said with another smile.

"Oh!" Trey finally spoke up again. "I almost forgot. He was having some pain around his abdomen and in his side. What could have been the cause of that?"

"That? That was probably psychological. It happens sometimes when people think they might be pregnant." Dr Emma said. Matt gave her a stunned look. Trey was satisfied with what he considered a better explanation than all the horrible reasons he was thinking of that night before. "Or it could have just been gas."

"That must've been it." Matt mumbled, thinking the other explanation made him look a little crazy.

"OK, take care of him Trey. He's not the only one counting on you now." Dr Emma said as she gathered herself in order to dismiss them.

"Oh, I will." Trey said with an almost smug smile, looking over at Matt. "I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to understand all that."

"Oh yeah?" Dr Emma asked, amused by Trey's sudden confident response. "How old would that be?"

"Thirty-Nine."

"Really? I thought you were a lot younger than that."

"Thanks." Trey said with an even more confident smile.

"Oh, yeah, I guess you do look a little younger than that too." Dr Emma added, causing Trey's smile to drop. Matt smirked. Trey whispered shut up at him.

"See you next time." Dr Emma waved at them as she exited the room.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" Matt yelled and slid off the table.

"Yeah!" Trey agreed and followed.


Chapter 8 will soon follow
Last edited by willowrose on Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I don't have a signature
BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby BigCamera4892 » Mon Apr 06, 2009 9:01 am

Okay, Ch. 7 was very good. :) And it wasn’t a transitional part of the plot. It all took place in Dr. Emma’s office. The story was just a little bit disjointed (maybe just for me, I don't know :? ) in the flow at one point - the part where the doctor steps out for water. Other than that, it was very well written:

Who's your daddy? wrote:"OK so, are you comfortable?" Dr Emma finally looked up and asked Matt. "Would you like water or anything?" She asked. Matt said no. "OK, well, I'll be right back. Feel free to change back into your clothes." Dr Emma smiled and patted Matt's knee before turning to leave the room for no apparent reason other than the fact she probably needed some water.


Every reader has their own experiences in the doctors office. Yes, doctors run in and out during exams. But do they run out for water for the doctor? Maybe to see another patient. For me, the stop in the flow of a story that doesn't make sense (the doctor going out for water) just stops me from going further for the moment. First I’m in the mood of the story, I’m in that exam room, and then I get stopped. Maybe it’s just me, though :roll:

The next part flows fine. The reader is in that exam room with Matt and Trey as if the reader is a fly on the wall.

Who's your daddy? wrote:"No. I trip on acid every once in a while but never that birth control crap." Matt blurted out. Trey shot him a mortified look. Dr Emma just stood there a moment, but it didn't seem to phase her, as if she'd heard it all before.
:lol:

Who's your daddy? wrote: "OK. I'll be back in one moment." Dr Emma said with a smile, looking up into their eyes this time before exiting the room.

Dr Emma came floating back into the room. She stood in front of them with both hands full of things. "Prenatal vitamins. . . .


See, this time, the doctor just left the room. And then she came back with the vitamins. This is what I mean - the story flows, I wasn’t stopped, and I just kept reading.

Who's your daddy? wrote: "Oh I don't know. I know plenty of women that would like to know what it's like to give birth." Dr Emma said with another smile.


Ah ha! Part of the premise? Or a joke on Dr. Emma’s part? The reader is interested in this plot twist.

Who's your daddy? wrote:"See you next time." Dr Emma waved at them as she exited the room.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" Matt yelled and slid off the table.

"Yeah!" Trey agreed and followed.

Chapter 8 will soon follow


Can’t wait!

-BC
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:58 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote:Okay, Ch. 7 was very good. :) And it wasn’t a transitional part of the plot. It all took place in Dr. Emma’s office. The story was just a little bit disjointed (maybe just for me, I don't know :? ) in the flow at one point - the part where the doctor steps out for water. Other than that, it was very well written:

Who's your daddy? wrote:"OK so, are you comfortable?" Dr Emma finally looked up and asked Matt. "Would you like water or anything?" She asked. Matt said no. "OK, well, I'll be right back. Feel free to change back into your clothes." Dr Emma smiled and patted Matt's knee before turning to leave the room for no apparent reason other than the fact she probably needed some water.


Every reader has their own experiences in the doctors office. Yes, doctors run in and out during exams. But do they run out for water for the doctor? Maybe to see another patient. For me, the stop in the flow of a story that doesn't make sense (the doctor going out for water) just stops me from going further for the moment. First I’m in the mood of the story, I’m in that exam room, and then I get stopped. Maybe it’s just me, though :roll:

The next part flows fine. The reader is in that exam room with Matt and Trey as if the reader is a fly on the wall.

Who's your daddy? wrote:"No. I trip on acid every once in a while but never that birth control crap." Matt blurted out. Trey shot him a mortified look. Dr Emma just stood there a moment, but it didn't seem to phase her, as if she'd heard it all before.
:lol:

Who's your daddy? wrote: "OK. I'll be back in one moment." Dr Emma said with a smile, looking up into their eyes this time before exiting the room.

Dr Emma came floating back into the room. She stood in front of them with both hands full of things. "Prenatal vitamins. . . .


See, this time, the doctor just left the room. And then she came back with the vitamins. This is what I mean - the story flows, I wasn’t stopped, and I just kept reading.

Who's your daddy? wrote: "Oh I don't know. I know plenty of women that would like to know what it's like to give birth." Dr Emma said with another smile.


Ah ha! Part of the premise? Or a joke on Dr. Emma’s part? The reader is interested in this plot twist.

Who's your daddy? wrote:"See you next time." Dr Emma waved at them as she exited the room.

"Let's get the hell out of here!" Matt yelled and slid off the table.

"Yeah!" Trey agreed and followed.

Chapter 8 will soon follow


Can’t wait!

-BC


Right. ;) *Women* can't give birth in this world. Good catch!!!

And I'll have to rework that paragraph where you said the flow was interrupted to make it more understandable. She didn't actually go out for water. It was suppose to be sarcastic since Trey's comments had just flustered her. You know, someone starts talking and they're saying something that embarrasses you to the point where your mouth goes a little dry? So she "stepped out for water". Not literally, it was just to let the reader know Trey DID really fluster to the point where she just had to step out of the room for a moment. ;) Plus it gave me a way to allow a conversation between Matt and Trey. But you're the first one to say something about that part being an "interruption" and I will take it seriously and see if I can make it more understandable for the next possible reader. ;) I'll go work on that now actually.

Thank you very much for reading BC!!!!! Chap 8 will be up today! (And hopefully it'll flow just fine for you. ;) ))
I don't have a signature
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:15 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote: The story was just a little bit disjointed (maybe just for me, I don't know :? ) in the flow at one point - the part where the doctor steps out for water. Other than that, it was very well written:

Who's your daddy? wrote:"OK so, are you comfortable?" Dr Emma finally looked up and asked Matt. "Would you like water or anything?" She asked. Matt said no. "OK, well, I'll be right back. Feel free to change back into your clothes." Dr Emma smiled and patted Matt's knee before turning to leave the room for no apparent reason other than the fact she probably needed some water.


Every reader has their own experiences in the doctors office. Yes, doctors run in and out during exams. But do they run out for water for the doctor? Maybe to see another patient. For me, the stop in the flow of a story that doesn't make sense (the doctor going out for water) just stops me from going further for the moment. First I’m in the mood of the story, I’m in that exam room, and then I get stopped. Maybe it’s just me, though :roll:



-BC


OK, I went and "fixed it". :wink: I didn't want to change too much since this was the first time someone said they didn't get that part, but I went and "fixed it" a bit so if you want, you can take a look and let me know if it makes a little more sense for you now. ;) She "left the room" so Matt could change but she didn't need to leave the room, other than the fact Trey was just referring to sex and it made the moment a little hot and bothered. ;) In this "world", guys get with guys and girls get with girls and you're considered gay if you're a boy/girl that gets with the opposite gender. (I touched on that a little bit so far in a conversation that took place between Kevin and Kacey in one of the earlier chapters)) So even though she's a baby doctor, evidently most guys don't come in there so eager to discuss their sex lives with a chick. ;)

I like the way I *fixed it* a little though so again thank you! :)
I don't have a signature

Return to “FanFics and Episode Ideas”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests