Who's your daddy?

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willowrose
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Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 8

Postby willowrose » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:42 pm

Warning: This chapter has minor curse words and some sexual content. But none of it is pornographic. Please beware and approach accordingly.

Who's your daddy? Chap 8
-----------------------------------------
"So why again are we at Trey's house?" Kacey asked as she followed Kevin up the steps of Trey's house.

"Feed the cats! Trey called me really early and asked if I could come over here and feed his cats."

"If he can't even feed his own cats on his own, how will he ever keep up with feeding a baby?"

"What baby?"

"Oh. Yeah, I forgot. There," Kacey threw her fingers up to quote "is no baby".

"Seriously, don't say the b word while in here. We're probably on security cameras." Kevin warned as he led the way into the house.

Kacey looked around. She saw Trey's piano. She saw the crayon illustration of The Last Supper. She saw a precise lineup of old expensive Scotch bottles against a wall. But it wasn't until she heard a low rumbling noise and felt her leg start to itch that she looked down and found one of Trey's cats purring up against her leg.

"OK! I found one!" She yelled.

"Feed it!" Kevin yelled back.

A few minutes later they were both lounging on Trey's furniture.

"So we're not gonna look even a little bit?" Kacey asked, sounding extremely disappointed.

"That's right. Not even a little bit."

"But we're here! And it's all here!"

"What's all here?"

"That's what I'd like to know!"

"No. No, we both need jobs to go back to. I'm not touching anymore of Trey's stuff."

"But aren't you at least slightly curious?"

"Yes, of course I'm curious! Why would I want to take the fun out of being curious?"

"Screw you, you know that? There's no fun in just being curious."

"Actually there kinda is." Kevin said with confidence, now staring at Kacey. Kacey noticed and adverted her eyes, suddenly feeling a little awkward.

"OK, well, perfect opportunity. The only opportunity probably. I just don't want us regretting later that we didn't take advantage of it."

"Yeah, again, not happening. I'll go ahead and live with the regret."

"Fine. But can we at least put on a movie and enjoy that big ass TV a little bit?"

"Well, I'd prefer if we didn't."

"Please? Pleeeeeeeeease? "Puh-leeeease?" Kacey begged until she almost started to gag.

"FINE! OK, fine. Go turn it on. But we can't be here that long. I'm not sure when they're suppose to be coming back."

"Where are they anyway?" Kacey asked as she got up to turn on the TV.

"Matt had a doctor's appointment. He was sick yesterday, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. We should probably get him a get well card." Kacey said as the TV came on. "Or congratulations card." She mumbled. Kevin heard her and reminded her to shut up. Kacey started looking around some more. "Where does Trey keep the DVD's?" She asked. Kevin looked around too. There was no visible collection of DVD's.

"I have no clue but we're NOT going to go look for them. If you don't see them, then evidently you're not suppose to. We've already touched enough."

"You're paranoid." Kacey said and then started walking toward other parts of the house.

"Kacey! KACEY!" Kevin jumped up and followed after her.

"Relax! I'm just going to peek."

"You are not going to just peek!"

"OK, that's true. But I promise I won't break anything."

"And if you do?"

"I won't!"

Kevin continued following Kacey as she glanced around the more opened rooms. Still no DVD's. She finally stopped in front of Trey's bedroom.

"You are NOT going in there!" Kevin demanded, even though he was secretly hoping she'd go ahead and just open the door so they could look.

"I'm not going in there." She said.

"Good."

"But that doesn't mean I can't just peek." She said and grabbed the door handle. Before Kevin could even get a word out, they both realized the door was locked. "Damn!" Kacey shouted.

"OK, that's it. We're leaving." Kevin grabbed Kacey's hand.

"No! Wait, I know how to pick simple household bedroom door locks." Kacey announced. Kevin stared at her for a moment.

"Are you joking? Because if you're not joking, I'm-"

"SHHH" Kacey put her finger to Kevin's mouth. "I just need a safety pin or something." She said and then walked toward one of the bathrooms.

"Kacey, no!" Kevin whispered loudly and followed her.

--

"Oh, look," Matt showed Trey one of the papers from the packet of brochures Dr Emma gave them. "There's a due date on this one."

"How do you know it's the due date?" Trey asked as he drove them back to Matt's place.

"Because it has my name, and then next to it it says due date and there's a date."

"Let me see it!" Trey shouted and tried grabbing it.

"No!" Matt brushed his hand away. "Here, I'll show you. Look." Matt showed him the paper and he glanced at it while trying to drive.

"Oh. July. That's a good date, I guess."

"Yeah, not until the middle of July. It's gonna be hot as hell here. How am I suppose to get through this?"

"I don't know. But we'll figure this out, OK?" Trey looked over at Matt and said. Matt nodded.

"This just sucks." Matt mumbled, thinking too much about it again.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"Well I'd like to at least do something to make you feel better about this. What can I do? And don't come up with something we've ever put on the show." Trey added quickly, causing Matt to smile a little bit.

"I don't know." He finally whispered and looked back down at the brochures on his lap.

"How did you like that huge giant man lady calling me your husband today?" Trey glanced over at Matt and asked.

"She was delusional."

"Yeah, but did you like it?"

"The fact that she thought we were an old married couple? Not really."

"That's what I thought." Trey said quietly and kept his eyes on the road in front of them.

"Look, we had this discussion five years ago. And we actually had this whole conversation sixteen years ago too."

"Do you have a diary or something?" Trey looked over with an odd look and asked.

"No. But how can I forget you proposing?"

"Oh, is that what I did?"

"Fine. Let's just forget you even brought it up."

"The first time I was drunk and the second time I was depressed. Neither time really counts." Trey couldn't help but to bring up.

"You're right. It didn't count. So you asking a third time because there's suddenly a baby involved is the one that counts?" Matt asked. "Shot gun proposal much?" He added. Trey's throat went dry.

"OK, fine. Let's forget I brought it up." He said with a dry voice without looking over at Matt. "I didn't ask this time." He added quietly. Matt looked over and watched the side of his face. He suddenly imagined a baby with big blue eyes, a beautiful smile and a cute little dimple in his chin.

"You make me feel better just by being you." Matt said as he reached over and started rubbing the back of Trey's neck. Trey sat there a moment, enjoying the feeling of Matt's hand on him, and then started to laugh.

"That's a little cheesy."

"It is. But it's still true." Matt said and shrugged. Trey looked over.

"Damn. We forgot to ask the doctor if it's safe for you to be contorted into the backseat of a sports car." Trey said. Matt snickered.

"Well she did say to call her with any questions or concerns."

"Then get my phone."


Chapter 9 will soon follow
Last edited by willowrose on Tue Apr 07, 2009 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby BigCamera4892 » Mon Apr 06, 2009 9:12 pm

Re: Chapter 7 update (Chapter 8 review to follow shortly):

willowrose wrote:Right. *Women* can't give birth in this world. Good catch!!!
. . . .In this "world", guys get with guys and girls get with girls and you're considered gay if you're a boy/girl that gets with the opposite gender. (I touched on that a little bit so far in a conversation that took place between Kevin and Kacey in one of the earlier chapters)) So even though she's a baby doctor, evidently most guys don't come in there so eager to discuss their sex lives with a chick.


Yes, I got that :wink:

willowrose wrote:I like the way I *fixed it* a little though so again thank you! :)
You're welcome :)

I like your *fix* too. The flow is not interrupted. In any "world" guy/guy, etc., a doctor is still a professional, so it was suspiring (I thought) for a doctor to get flustered to such a point as to have to leave the room. I understand why for the plot the doctor had to leave the room - so Matt and Trey could talk privately. The problem was how to get the doctor out of the room.

With this minor change that you made, the story flows.

I'll be reading Chapter 8 shortly. Great story so far :D

-BC
willowrose
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Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:10 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote:Re: Chapter 7 update (Chapter 8 review to follow shortly):

willowrose wrote:Right. *Women* can't give birth in this world. Good catch!!!
. . . .In this "world", guys get with guys and girls get with girls and you're considered gay if you're a boy/girl that gets with the opposite gender. (I touched on that a little bit so far in a conversation that took place between Kevin and Kacey in one of the earlier chapters)) So even though she's a baby doctor, evidently most guys don't come in there so eager to discuss their sex lives with a chick.


Yes, I got that :wink:

willowrose wrote:I like the way I *fixed it* a little though so again thank you! :)
You're welcome :)

I like your *fix* too. The flow is not interrupted. In any "world" guy/guy, etc., a doctor is still a professional, so it was suspiring (I thought) for a doctor to get flustered to such a point as to have to leave the room. I understand why for the plot the doctor had to leave the room - so Matt and Trey could talk privately. The problem was how to get the doctor out of the room.

With this minor change that you made, the story flows.

I'll be reading Chapter 8 shortly. Great story so far :D

-BC


Thank you BC!!!! I was a lot happier with it after I *fixed it up a bit* too!!!!! Thank you again for the encouragement! :D *hugs*!

I hope you enjoy chap 8!!!! :wink:
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BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby BigCamera4892 » Tue Apr 07, 2009 2:55 am

I like this chapter. It starts with a new scene.

And just as the suspense builds . . . .

Chapter 8 wrote:"Are you joking? Because if you're not joking, I'm-"

"SHHH" Kacey put her finger to Kevin's mouth. "I just need a safety pin or something." She said and then walked toward one of the bathrooms.

"Kacey, no!" Kevin whispered loudly and followed her.


. . . . we get that great cliff hanger, because now the reader is in the car with Matt and Trey 8)

This entire chapter of the story flowed perfectly. :)

With one typo: (You forgot to insert a space after the period following the word "Matt" and before the first quote mark): :P

Right-Click to see the whole image (I am giving you feedback, after all :P ):

Image

It's a great story so far. Looking forward to Chapter 9.

Chapter 8 wrote:"Well she did say to call her with any questions or concerns."

"Then get my phone."

Chapter 9 will soon follow


I (and the other readers of this thread) will be waiting :D

-BC
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Tue Apr 07, 2009 3:05 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote:

This entire chapter of the story flowed perfectly. :)

With one typo: (You forgot to insert a space after the period following the word "Matt" and before the first quote mark): :P

Right-Click to see the whole image (I am giving you feedback, after all :P ):

Image

It's a great story so far. Looking forward to Chapter 9.

Chapter 8 wrote:"Well she did say to call her with any questions or concerns."

"Then get my phone."

Chapter 9 will soon follow


I (and the other readers of this thread) will be waiting :D

-BC


Ah, thank you! *fixed*

And thank you for reading!!!! :wink: :)
Chapter 9 should be up sometime today.
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Cartman's_bitch 1
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Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby Cartman's_bitch 1 » Tue Apr 07, 2009 4:09 pm

I've been tracking this fanfic, and it is really good.


Good job.
I...AM...GOD!!!-
The most truthful cartman quote.
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Tue Apr 07, 2009 7:51 pm

Cartman's_bitch 1 wrote:I've been tracking this fanfic, and it is really good.


Good job.


Thank you!
Chapter 9 will be added soon. :)

And yay for Cartman's butt crack! *points to your avatar* :wink: My avatar is wearing a shirt like that but for some reason it doesn't seem to wanna work properly unless it's *zoomed in* to just the face.
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willowrose
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Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 9

Postby willowrose » Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:41 pm

Warning: This chapter has some sexual content. But none of it is pornographic. Please beware and approach accordingly. And remember this story is for ENTERTAINMENT ONLY. Comment for cookies.

Who's your daddy? Chap 9
-----------------------------------------
"Kacey, be careful!" Kevin whimpered as Kacey worked the tool inside the lock.

"Stop worrying! We'll be inside in just a- There." Kacey stepped back, pleased, as she tapped the door slowly open. There was no creaking noise. It just smoothly opened up for them to see inside.

The room was large and dark and accented in gold colors. They quietly walked inside, as if someone was going to suddenly appear from thin air and catch them.

"Dude! Dude dude!" Kacey grabbed Kevin's arm and pointed up. "Look!" She squealed, pointing at the mirror on the ceiling.

"Oh God. We really shouldn't be in here." Kevin said as guilt, instead of amusement, rushed through him.

"No! It's OK. We're not touching anything and we're just peeking." Kacey assured him. Kevin rolled his eyes. "Dude, I'll give you ten bucks if you lay on the bed."

"You just said we weren't touching anything!" Kevin yelled.

"OK, OK! Calm down." Kacey said as she circled the outside of the bed. "So this is where that baby was made." Kacey stood at the foot of it and wondered out loud.

"The b word!" Kevin reminded her.

"Sorry. So this is where that illegitimate child was made."

"Kacey!"

"I'm kidding! It does look like a comfortable bed though. I'm sure they cuddle more than anything else." Kacey said as her hands touched the closet door.

"No! That's it. We're out of here."

"But! Only chance!"

"Nope. I need this job. Any job. It isn't going to look very good with breaking and entering into my bosses bedroom on my record." Kevin said and dragged Kacey out of the bedroom. He double checked the doorknob to make sure it was again locked. He then dragged Kacey out of the house.

---

It had started raining. The sky went dark earlier than normal and every once in a while there was the prominent crack of thunder in the distance.

Trey started at Matt's ankle. He massaged Matt's toes before putting his lips to Matt's skin. Matt slowly breathed, concentrating on the trail of soft kisses Trey was making up his body. Not being a big fan of foreplay, the thought of lets just get this part over with was already starting to float through his mind, but he knew, this time at least, he owed Trey this.

Trey's hand moved slowly up Matt's stomach. Even without the mirror on the ceiling Matt could see the nerves moving in Trey's back with each small move.

Matt felt Trey's fingers slide across his lips as he continued kissing up his chest. He felt Trey's lips move to his neck as he gently kissed across his throat.

"Over." Trey whispered and watched as Matt rolled over onto his stomach. Trey lowered himself again and started kissing the back of Matt's neck. He kissed across Matt's shoulders and then down his spine. Matt then felt Trey's fingertips slide through the back of his hair.

Later that night Trey was wrapped in Matt's arms as they sat back against the headboard and listened to the rain hitting hard against the window.

"Do you really want to name this thing Akiko?" Matt asked. Trey giggled at the way Matt pronounced the name.

"Well not if you can't even pronounce it."

"Oh. Well I guess it's OK. What's it mean?"

"Sparkle"

"You wanna name the kid Sparkle?"

"Sorta. But no, we don't have to name it that. What would you name it?"

"Why can't we just name it after you?"

"Me? And call it what, Cuatro?" Trey asked. Matt laughed.

"Why not?"

"Why would we?"

"Your dad would like it."

"That doesn't really matter. There's already enough they're not going to like."

"Like what?" Matt asked quietly against Trey's hair.

"Like the fact we don't even live together."

"We kinda do live together. I mean you're always here or I'm always at your place. What's wrong with having our own houses?"

"Nothing is wrong with it. That's why we keep it like this."

"Yeah, we're comfortable so screw what everybody else thinks. But," Matt started to say, then paused.

"What?"

"What about when, you know, this happens?"

"Hm. Hadn't thought about that." Trey squinched his face, thinking.

"Yeah"

"Well we'll figure it out." Trey said and then started to think. There could be a nursery at both their homes. There would already have to be a nursery at the office anyway. And probably a nursery at both their parent's homes. And a nursery at the home in Hawaii, knowing they'll have to fly the baby out there at times. He also thought about how he'd love for Matt to move in with him at the home in Bel Air. But he knew better than to bring that up right now, especially considering Matt couldn't yet even refer to the baby as anything other than "this thing". But he'd worry about all of that later. For now he wanted to just enjoy the feeling of being in Matt's arms, feeling him breathe against him.


Chapter 10 soon to follow
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BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby BigCamera4892 » Wed Apr 08, 2009 2:57 am

chapter 9 wrote:"Nope. I need this job. Any job. It isn't going to look very good with breaking and entering into my bosses bedroom on my record." Kevin said and dragged Kacey out of the bedroom. He double checked the doorknob to make sure it was again locked. He then dragged Kacey out of the house.


I like how this part of the story ended. This part of the story really helped the reader understand the character development of Kacey and Kevin.

The rest of Chapter 9 flowed smoothly from part II (in bed) to part III (talking after); Part I of course was the Kevin/Kacey part. Very well written. To repeat what I said before somewhere: “A real page turner.” :)

We (all those following this thread) are ready for Chapter 10 8)

(As of this post there were 212 views of your story so far).

(whispers to willowrose): Did you catch my post in the “chocolate Coke” thread?

-BC
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:21 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote:
chapter 9 wrote:"Nope. I need this job. Any job. It isn't going to look very good with breaking and entering into my bosses bedroom on my record." Kevin said and dragged Kacey out of the bedroom. He double checked the doorknob to make sure it was again locked. He then dragged Kacey out of the house.


I like how this part of the story ended. This part of the story really helped the reader understand the character development of Kacey and Kevin.

The rest of Chapter 9 flowed smoothly from part II (in bed) to part III (talking after); Part I of course was the Kevin/Kacey part. Very well written. To repeat what I said before somewhere: “A real page turner.” :)

We (all those following this thread) are ready for Chapter 10 8)

(As of this post there were 212 views of your story so far).

(whispers to willowrose): Did you catch my post in the “chocolate Coke” thread?

-BC


Thank you very much BC!!! *bows to BC for being an amazing comment giver* :wink: I was a little nervous about the second part of this chapter because it had to be quite edited from the original version of this chapter. But I honestly think I like the edited version better!!

Again thank you very much!!!!! Chap 10 is coming right up!

(and whispers back): *Runs over there right now!!!!*
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willowrose
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Re: Who's your daddy? Chap 10

Postby willowrose » Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:26 pm

Warning: None.

Who's your daddy? Chap 10
-------------------------------------------
"I'm gonna be bored today." Matt whined as he sat back in his bed with his dog spread across his legs.

"No you won't be. I brought in all the good DVD's from our collection. You have lots of episodes of Full House and Monty Python to watch all day." Trey told him as he finished getting dressed.

"Yeah, all day. Why can't you just stay here with me?"

"Because one of us has to go in and work."

"And why again do I have to stay here?"

"Don't try arguing this with me again Matt. I told you, I don't want you in the office today. Too many people are going to try following you around all day and try getting in your face after I announce the pregnancy to them."

"I know how to handle people though Trey. I mean it's me that usually has to handle people all day anyway. You're just panicking too much again."

"Don't argue with me."

"If you're already worried about this thing, I'm gonna hate to see you when it starts to drive." Matt looked over at Trey as he buckled his pants and said flatly. Trey walked over to him.

"It's not the baby I'm worried about. It's you." Trey said, his hand against Matt's flat stomach, and then leaned in to kiss him. Matt then watched as Trey tried straightening out his wrinkled tee shirt by pulling on it.

"Why? You afraid I'm gonna get trampled by the mass hysteria at the news or something?"

"Now that you mention it, yeah, kinda. But no, I'm more worried about you being sick again today. Just sit back and relax, OK? Stop being a dick to me and just enjoy the special treatment." Trey complained as he put on his watch that Matt finally convinced him to start wearing.

"What special treatment? You treat me like this all the time anyway." Matt said, smiling.

"I don't mean now. I mean the special treatment that's yet to come."

Matt smiled a little but then went back to pouting.

"Ugh" Matt complained by groaning.

"You want me to call you when I make the announcement? Put you on speaker?" Trey asked, ignoring the complaint. Trey read in one of the brochures that moodiness can get pretty bad during the early stages of the first trimester and he was trying his hardest to remember that while dealing with Matt's attitude.

"No."

"OK"

"I don't like having to sit here all day. I'm not used to this. I'm used to frantic phone calls and people yelling at me in languages I never even heard before."

"Yeah. That's why you're not coming into work today. Now shut up and be happy!" Trey told him, but still not being able to use the stern voice Matt probably deserved. Matt smiled at him.

"Am I being naughty? If I am, there's a paddle in the closet still you know. And some rope if you wanna tie me up." Matt told him, hoping to get him in the mood to stay.

"Oh I'll tie you up, but I still have to leave." Trey said. Matt pouted again. Trey walked to him and kissed his forehead. "I'll be home tonight, I promise."

"Whatever." Matt snarled at him and picked up the remote to turn on the TV. Trey stared at him a moment and then left for work.

A couple hours later Matt was calling Trey's cellphone every fifteen minutes just to see what was going on.

Trey had everyone, P.A.s and all, in the writers room. He stood at the front of it and waited for everyone to settle down. Kacey was sitting next to Kevin at the furthest end. Everyone knew Matt wasn't feeling well and that's why he wasn't at work. And no one seemed to think anything of the cigars sitting before them or the baby diaper pins Trey passed out as tie pins for the day or the 'Hello my name is' sticker Trey had stuck to him with the word daddy where the name should be. Unusual happenings was typical Trey stuff. Trey realized that as he stood there staring at everyone. He bit his lip and thought about how he should announce it. Going over it all day in his head was different than standing before everyone now without Matt by his side at the table.

"What's wrong Trey? Are you getting sick too? You look like you're about to throw up." Anne asked him.

"No. I'm fine."

"Are you hung over?"

"No. I'm actually not." Trey smiled, almost laughing, and said.

"Pregnant?"

"No but Matt is." He announced. It wasn't exactly the way he had it planned in his mind, but the opportunity seemed too perfect not to take advantage of so he just went with it. Everyone sat and stared at him for a moment. Except for Kacey who kicked Kevin under the table and gave him a "told you" look. But then everyone seemed to notice the cigars and the baby diaper pin tie pins. And almost all at once he heard people go "OH!"

For the next two hours he was bombarded with questions about how they found out, what the first doctor's appointment was like, what Matt was doing, where the nursery would go, and even one question of "what exactly did you do to knock him up". But it wasn't until someone asked what religion the baby would be raised as that Trey finally felt overwhelmed enough to throw himself into his office, lock the door, and call Matt to recount the horrors of what just happened. At one point Trey sounded choked up, after stressing how horrible it was for everyone to start asking questions all at one time, and Matt had to ask him if he was crying. He said no. Matt knew he really was. He promised to take all the stress away as soon as he stepped foot through the door. That helped. But it didn't help when Trey found out he'd be working all night in order to catch up for the few hours they lost as people congratulated him and asked bizarre questions, half of which he couldn't think of the answer to. And it was even worse when he had to call and tell Matt he wouldn't be home.

"You said you'd be here!" Matt complained.

"I know. I'm sorry. But this episode isn't going to work unless I'm here to work on it tonight."

"Screw the episode! I need you!"

"I know. But if I screw the episode that might throw everything off and ruin it for everybody."

"Screw everybody! Let them find their own ways in life!"

"Matt,"

"No! You promised!"

"Do you really not have any clue how bitchy you're sounding right now?" Trey asked him. Which was apparently the wrong thing to ask.

"Screw YOU. Don't bother coming back at all!" Matt yelled and hung up on Trey. Less than two minutes later he called Trey back.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. I am being bitchy. I don't know why. I understand you have to work on the episode. I'm sorry."

"I know. It's OK."

"I need you. I need you and I just want you to come home."

"I know. But I can't. I have to stay here and work."

"But I should come first, not work."

"Matt,"

"No! You're putting work before ME! That's not cool of you dude. Not cool at all!" Matt yelled and hung up again. This time barely twenty seconds went by before he called Trey back.

"I still can't come home." Trey answered his cell.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm going to just go take a hot bath. But I'll come in if you need me to."

"No! I don't want you leaving the house tonight. If you need anything just call me."

"That's why you should just be here instead." Matt said, this time without whining. Trey didn't say anything. "But I know you can't be. I understand. You have to work and be there to fill in for both of us. I get that." Matt added, trying to stay calm.

"I'll be back in the morning." Trey told him, bracing for another outburst.

"OK. Fine. Sounds good."

"I love you."

"No you don't. If you did you'd be here tonight instead of there."

"OK that's not fair. I mean that's really not fair this time."

"Nothing I can do about it."

"Matt, stop. Why are you trying to make me feel guilty because I have to work?" Trey asked. Matt didn't say anything.

"I love you too." Matt finally said and hung up on Trey again.

---

About an hour later Matt's doorbell rang. He dragged himself to the door in nothing but the robe he put on after his bath and answered it. Eric was standing on the other side with what looked like a big but tired smile. He had a huge bouquet in his arms and bags full of Taco Bell.

"Sorry but I'm in no mood for a date tonight." Matt looked at Eric and said before Eric could say anything. Matt started shutting the door on him.

"Wait!" Eric yelled. Matt opened the door again and stood there staring at him, not caring that his robe was open and showing the street outside his naked body. "These are from Trey. And so is this." Eric said as he handed over the bouquet and bags of food.

"Oh. Thanks." Matt took it and started shutting the door again.

"Wait!" Eric yelled again. "And I'm here too."

"Yeah. I see that. Goodnight." Matt said and again tried closing the door. Eric caught it this time with his foot.

"No. I mean I'm here tonight too. Trey sent me over to stay with you through the night."

"A babysitter? Trey sent over a freakin' babysitter?"

"No. I mean, he said you were gonna say that. I'm not the babysitter. I'm just a house guest for the night. He told me to tell you that."

"That's nice. But you're not staying. Goodnight." Matt said but before he could attempt to close the door Eric pulled his cellphone out.

"OK, so either I can call and tell him you're not letting me in or you can. I don't care. Either way it's just going to make him worry and not get any work done and we're all going to be that much more miserable because of it. So can I please just come in?" Eric asked, looking more tired by the second. Matt stood there and thought for a moment, then stepped back away from the door, letting Eric in.


Chapter 11 soon to follow
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BigCamera4892

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby BigCamera4892 » Thu Apr 09, 2009 9:01 am

Not many comments today :)

After all,
Chapter 10 wrote: Warning: None.


Everything flowed smoothly, and kept the reader’s interest, from:

"I'm gonna be bored today” all the way to:

"Whatever." Matt snarled at him and picked up the remote to turn on the TV. Trey stared at him a moment and then left for work.

The next sentence, though, “A couple hours later Matt was calling Trey's cellphone every fifteen minutes just to see what was going on,” sounded like a good segue, but it wasn’t a segue. It was a concept given to the reader but not followed through on. By that I mean the next paragraph brings us back to the present with the subject of Trey telling the staff the news. But the sentence I quoted takes place a couple of hours later.

Is this a little mix-up in the timeline? After the meeting, Trey calls Matt. Then after Trey realizes that he won't be able to come home that night, cut to Eric appearing at Matt’s door. No further mention is made of any cell phone calls occurring every 15 minutes, and no explanation of why the story tells us what is going to happen a few hours later. The story instead goes back in time to the present where it left off.

What/When/Where/Why/How did Matt keep calling Trey’s cellphone every fifteen minutes a couple of hours later? We know that Trey (at that time, a couple of hours later) was working in his office, that Matt was in the bath, then Eric came over. Wouldn’t Matt have known this already from Trey during one of these frequent phone calls? I felt that something went a little amiss here. Did I miss something :?

I’ve been thinking about this. I do like the sentence: “A couple hours late Matt was calling Trey’s cellphone every fifteen minutes just to see what was going on,” but where to put this sentence?

Perhaps after that staff meeting, and after Trey calls Matt after the staff meeting, Matt now feels comfortable in calling Trey back after 15 minutes, (because Trey is out of the meeting) and Matt keeps calling Trey all day. I don’t know. I tried reworking these paragraphs. I like both the sentence and it’s concept. I am just not sure that where you inserted this sentence is where this sentence actually belongs. Maybe it is just me :? I’m just letting you know of my reaction to the placement of this sentence here at this point in Chapter 10.

That’s really the only rough edge I had. The story, however, is really quite excellent (Chapters 1-10). Keep up the great job. :D

Waiting for Chapter 11 -- whatever could it be??????

-BC and all your followers of “Who’s your daddy?”
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Thu Apr 09, 2009 2:51 pm

BigCamera4892 wrote:Not many comments today :)

After all,
Chapter 10 wrote: Warning: None.


Everything flowed smoothly, and kept the reader’s interest, from:

"I'm gonna be bored today” all the way to:

"Whatever." Matt snarled at him and picked up the remote to turn on the TV. Trey stared at him a moment and then left for work.

The next sentence, though, “A couple hours later Matt was calling Trey's cellphone every fifteen minutes just to see what was going on,” sounded like a good segue, but it wasn’t a segue. It was a concept given to the reader but not followed through on. By that I mean the next paragraph brings us back to the present with the subject of Trey telling the staff the news. But the sentence I quoted takes place a couple of hours later.

Is this a little mix-up in the timeline? After the meeting, Trey calls Matt. Then after Trey realizes that he won't be able to come home that night, cut to Eric appearing at Matt’s door. No further mention is made of any cell phone calls occurring every 15 minutes, and no explanation of why the story tells us what is going to happen a few hours later. The story instead goes back in time to the present where it left off.

What/When/Where/Why/How did Matt keep calling Trey’s cellphone every fifteen minutes a couple of hours later? We know that Trey (at that time, a couple of hours later) was working in his office, that Matt was in the bath, then Eric came over. Wouldn’t Matt have known this already from Trey during one of these frequent phone calls? I felt that something went a little amiss here. Did I miss something :?

I’ve been thinking about this. I do like the sentence: “A couple hours late Matt was calling Trey’s cellphone every fifteen minutes just to see what was going on,” but where to put this sentence?

Perhaps after that staff meeting, and after Trey calls Matt after the staff meeting, Matt now feels comfortable in calling Trey back after 15 minutes, (because Trey is out of the meeting) and Matt keeps calling Trey all day. I don’t know. I tried reworking these paragraphs. I like both the sentence and it’s concept. I am just not sure that where you inserted this sentence is where this sentence actually belongs. Maybe it is just me :? I’m just letting you know of my reaction to the placement of this sentence here at this point in Chapter 10.

That’s really the only rough edge I had. The story, however, is really quite excellent (Chapters 1-10). Keep up the great job. :D

Waiting for Chapter 11 -- whatever could it be??????

-BC and all your followers of “Who’s your daddy?”


Hi there. ;) First off, Thank you for reading! And then to address what you brought up, "a couple hours later Matt was calling his cell every 15 minutes" probably should have been "a couple hours later, after Matt had been calling every 15 minutes because he's a big baby and doesn't know how to handle himself being left home alone and not in the office yelling at people and getting yelled at by outsiders over the phone blah blah blah and so on". Maybe that sentence should have read "couple hours later Matt had already been calling his cellphone every 15 minutes"... Would that have helped any? Eric showed up sometime later that night. Say Trey left for work around 8, did the meeting with everyone for the announcement around noon, called Matt and told him how it went, and then eventually worked up enough balls to call him and tell him he wouldn't be home that night after all, because he has to sit there and rework the script all night (something like that)) So let's say Eric showed up around dinner time or later. That's like, at least 10 hours that all that could have taken place within. Does that help some? The sentence "a couple hours later Matt was calling every 15 minutes" was basically there just for humor. It's to show how spoiled Matt is. Which is a huge part of this Trey/Matt relationship. ;) (And Trey wouldn't have told Matt he was sending Eric over because Matt would have thrown a huge fit over it. After all, he didn't want to let Eric in because in his mind, everything is fine, he's just bored))
Remember, this story has been written through chapter, 65, I think, now? So maybe the following chapter (chap 11 already!!!!!!!)) will help clear/tie some things up. ;) Or be even more confusing. One way or the other!

But anyway thank you for bringing that up! And thank you for reading/enjoying the story!! Chap 11 will be posted soon!!!!!
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Wii fit man
Posts: 11153
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:10 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby Wii fit man » Thu Apr 09, 2009 5:55 pm

Wow... is this your first try? Because it is really good! :)
effses: Austin confirmed for turbo homosexual
willowrose
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Who's your daddy?

Postby willowrose » Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:06 pm

Wii fit man wrote:Wow... is this your first try? Because it is really good! :)


Thank you very much Wii fit man!!!!! No, not first story, but first one over here. ;)

Thanks for reading and the next chapter will be up soon!!!
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