The Red Badge of Gayness
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| Season | s03 |
| Episode | e14 |
| Written By | Trey Parker |
| Production Code | 0314 |
| Original Air Date | 1999-11-24 |
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==Story=====Description===As South Park prepares for its annual reenactment of the Battle of Tamarack Hill, friction builds between Cartman, Stan and Kyle. On the day of the reenactment, Cartman arrives dressed as Confederate commander Robert E. Lee. He bets Stan and Kyle (who fight on the Union side) that the South will win the war. If he's right, they have to be his slaves for a month. If he's wrong, he's their slave.As the day goes on, the "Confederate" reenactors become progressively more drunk on the event's alcohol sponsor, Jagerminz S'More Flavored Schnapps. So drunk, in fact, that Cartman convinces them to beat the Union reenactors for real. Which, to everyone's amazement, they promptly do.At the party after the battle, everyone gets drunk on schnapps. Soon Cartman convinces them to start a rampage across North America, capturing city after city -- in spite of the fact that they're only armed with blanks. Kyle and Stan briefly stop the rampage by stealing the "armies" alcohol supply, but Cartman manages to secure more. Soon everyone's drunk again and the onslaught continues.The troops take Washington, D.C. and force President Bill Clinton to allow the South to form its own nation, effectively "winning" the Civil War. But at the last moment Kyle and Stan, dressed as Lincoln and Jefferson Davis, reenact the real surrender of the South. The army of drunken pretend soldiers promptly melts away.It seems that Kyle and Stan can now use Cartman as their slave for a month. But as he points out, if the North wins slavery is abolished, so they have no claim to him. So everyone's screwed.===What I Learned Today==="You've learned that you can't rewrite history. You see, history is forever, and everything happens for a reason." In the middle of this speech, Cartman walks away to procure more schnapps for his "army." He does, and the campaign to rewrite history continues.===Memorable Quotes===* "You can't just hit a drum. You have to beat the shit out of it." (Cartman)* "I say we take Topeka!" (Cartman)* "Not now Stan, I'm pillaging." (Stan's Dad)* "Boy, this just keeps getting weirder, doesn't it?" (Bill Clinton)* "Screw you guys, home." (Cartman) * "Come, Kenny. Come fight for us and I'll make sure you get lots of plunder and womens." (Cartman)* "Confederate messenger Butters reporting, sir." (Butters)* "Dear guys Words cannot express how much I hate you guys." (Cartman)* "Get me more S'more Schnapps, I'm gonna be sick!" (Jimbo)==Characters=====Character Debuts===Suzzette, the S'More Schnapps Girl.===Body Count===Just Kenny, killed by a "warning flare" fired by the National Guard. However, a number of innocent townspeople in Topeka, Chattanooga, and Fort Sumter are beaten and bludgeoned without mercy by the approaching Southern "army".==Locations====Behind The Scenes=====Where Did The Idea Come From===This episode, along with the rest of Season 3, was born of tragic expediency. When Mary Kay Bergman, who voiced nearly all of South Park's female characters, died unexpectedly, stories had to be created that didn't rely on her work. No one, out of respect for Bergman, was keen on rushing out to hire replacements. Which is why in this episode the only recognizable female who gets screen time, Kenny's mom, never opens her mouth.==Pop Culture References=====Shout Outs===Cartman writes a letter to Kenny's mother stating that her son was killed at "Ruby Hills Funland in Chattanooga." It's a reference to a real Chattanooga tourist trap called Ruby Falls. Also, the episode's title is a play on the Civil War novel The Red Badge of Courage.===Pwn'd===Bill Clinton, whom the boys call a "dick." Vice president Al Gore gets off comparatively lightly, especially considering the hammering he'll take in "Manbearpig" and "Imaginationland Episode III". Furthermore, Cartman blackmails President Clinton to declare the Confederacy its own nation by saying, "If you do not meet our demand, we will be forced to show the video tapes we have of you with Marisa Tomei." It works.We catch the end of a news report that informs us Courtney Love " was forced to live off her own feces for several days."==Bonus Factoids=====Pointless Observations===The alcohol company Jagerminz is a parody of the all-too-real alcoholic beverage Jagermeister -- a.k.a. the Devil's Mouthwash or Hell's Pancake Syrup. Also, when the boys pull off Cartman's fake Civil War beard, his scream of pain is heard on the planet Marklar, which we first see in "Starvin Marvin' In Space".After Kenny is killed, Grandpa Marsh says "You bastards!" instead of Kyle.== Season 3 ==
- e1 Rainforest Shmainforest
- e2 Spontaneous Combustion
- e3 The Succubus
- e4 Tweek Vs. Craig
- e5 Jakovasaurs
- e6 Sexual Harassment Panda
- e7 Cat Orgy
- e8 Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
- e9 Jewbilee
- e10 Chinpokomon
- e11 Starvin' Marvin in Space
- e12 Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery
- e13 Hooked on Monkey Fonics
- e14 The Red Badge of Gayness
- e15 Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
- e16 Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus
- e17 World Wide Recorder Concert